I don’t know what’s with my head lately, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I look at my scars and it hits home. I’m trying so hard not to do it, and honestly I don’t even have a reason. I mean I could come up with a few but they aren’t good enough reasons to do that to myself. I don’t wanna relapse. I can’t… There’s something missing inside me, and I can’t figure out what it is. I just know that I can feel it. My thighs and arms covered with scars. They make me remember every detail to my life, they remind me why I did it and it makes me want to. I’m trying to prevent the urge and it’s so hard.. I never expected this to even be in my head ever again. I’ve been recovered for about 7 months now.. Why, why, why, why; am I thinking about this? I mean it doesn’t hurt, it feels good somehow. I want to, but I don’t at the same time. I know it’s a disappointment, but… it helps. Even though none of this makes sense, in a way it does, at least to me. I can’t do it. I can’t. But I might.. I know if I do, everything’s going to change. It’s gonna fall into an addiction again, I can’t let that happen. It got so bad. I didn’t care who saw, I cut wherever I could. School, home, public bathrooms. It didn’t matter to me. I just hope these thoughts go away, before it’s too late. I know once I do it, I w o n ’ t stop..